Some days you wake up, spring out of bed, take a shower and enthusiastically jump in your car excited about the workday ahead of you.

Some days you dread the sound of your alarm going off and wish you could simply crawl back under the duvet and dream of a different existence.

One moment you are ecstatic, and the next you are severely depressed. You oscillate constantly between certainty and doubt. You are unable to break unhealthy habits and exhibit erratic behavior.

All these characteristics symbolize love-hate relationships, which can destroy our lives momentarily. Because, at their core, they contain a contradiction: either you love something you should despise, or you despise something you believe you should adore.

This is an ideal storm that causes misery.

It’s difficult to feel this way because the job and career you’ve worked so hard for have become a source of stress and confusion. On some days, you and your coworkers are rigorously fighting for the same cause; you acquire a new client and close a deal, you exceed your goals, and your boss sings your praises. On other occasions, you find yourself sitting at your desk, staring at your screen, wishing you had done something different when you were “still young.”

However, the fact remains that such love-hate relationships are so appealing. Why is this true?

As with any unhealthy behavior, the attraction to up-and-down relationships has complex causes. Frequently, these issues arise from what we value and what we believe we should value. These values may have been reinforced implicitly or explicitly by society, culture, family, or other significant influences (for instance, you should work for a Fortune 500 company as a coveted career).

There may be a conflict between your intrinsic values and your extrinsic values. This overlap is challenging to accommodate. According to studies, the same region of the brain is activated when we love or hate someone, further complicating matters.

Concerning love-hate relationships with a job, however, the fear of deciding and the fear of making the wrong choice are frequently what keep people in these situations, in addition to socioeconomic consequences.

Uncertainty, dependence, and fear are integral to the maintenance of a toxic relationship. Due to feelings of familiarity and self-worth, according to psychotherapists, people are attracted to potentially harmful individuals. The body stores experience, and we react to everything in our daily lives unconsciously. One may subconsciously be attracted to someone who makes them feel the same way they always have, even if it is a toxic comfort. In addition, individuals may remain at an unhealthy job because they believe they must persevere regardless of the circumstances. They fear the unknown. They may not even be aware of available alternatives. They may feel indispensable at work despite being underpaid and mistreated because they may have been treated this way throughout their entire lives.

These issues are difficult to resolve. Here are four warning signs to look out for if you believe you may be working in a toxic environment:

• You experience extreme highs and lows at work, ranging from elation at an accomplishment to depression and exhaustion.
• Work is the only thing on your mind. You no longer care about your work-life balance and have made work your entire life and are experiencing long-term negative effects on your other relationships, hobbies, values, and even your career.
• You constantly discuss work, even though you work terrible hours, have a terrible boss, and feel terrible about yourself every day.
• You do not see any opportunities for advancement soon, and your current position does not help you achieve your long-term career objectives.

One should take time to consider precisely what feels toxic. “Is it your relationship with your supervisor? Are there issues with your coworkers? Are your efforts not being recognized? Do you feel unsatisfied? Whatever it is, conduct a thorough analysis to determine why you feel this situation is toxic.

Create goals that will help you feel more aligned with your day-to-day work once you’ve identified what feels toxic. This could involve altering your career path, speaking with your manager, or gaining experience on the side so that you can continue to receive a paycheck while you shift your focus.

The world is full of alternative solutions. One must explore all possibilities before quitting the current workplace.

Asma Jan Muhammad

Dubai, UAE

Author’s Bio:

Asma Jan Muhammad is currently working as Finance Director with a local conglomerate in UAE, holding two charters in accountancy from Pakistan / England & Wales. In her 20 years of professional career, she has created her name and added value to leading multinational and local groups. Throughout her school and college life she endeavored to achieve top positions, securing two gold-medals in CA exams and became the first overseas recipient of the “CA Woman of the Year 2019” award conferred by the President of Pakistan in recognition of her services for the UAE Chapter of ICAP members. Berkeley ME also awarded her with “The Most Professional Woman Accountancy 2019 and 2022”.
She is also giving back to the community by volunteering editorial services for PAD’s monthly periodical “Pehchaan”. She has been speaking for women related causes and is also a mentor for community women seeking professional advice for business startups facing financial challenges. She is also a co-author in MENA Speakers’ “She Dares” which is a collaborative book of powerful stories from 36 inspiring women from across the globe. Asma believes in enabling others and in promoting tolerance, diversity, and equality through her writings.